How to find a business mentor, and what to ask them

Where mentors actually come from

Almost nobody finds a mentor by searching for one. They come from proximity: people a few steps ahead of you in the thing you are doing, who already know your name because you have been visible, useful or persistent around them.

In practice that means the people whose work you already follow, former managers and colleagues, people in local business groups and trade associations, and the person who sold you the thing you admire. Free structured programmes exist too, through business support organisations, chambers of commerce and some banks, and they are worth taking when the fit is right.

What a mentor is and is not

A mentor gives perspective, context and honesty. A coach works on your behaviour and consistency. A consultant does the work for you. A business partner shares the risk and the upside. People use all four words loosely, so establish early which one you are actually talking to, because the expectations are completely different.

Questions worth asking in the first conversation

• What are you doing now, and how did it actually start?
• What did you get wrong in your first two years?
• Who do you work well with, and who do you not?
• What does your support look like in a normal month?
• How do you make money, and does any of it depend on me?
• What would make you tell me this is not working?

That last question matters more than it looks. Someone who cannot describe the conditions under which they would tell you to stop is not going to tell you the truth later.

Warning signs

Be careful with anyone who quotes income figures without context, promises outcomes, pressures you to decide quickly, is vague about what the business actually sells, or wants a significant payment before you understand what you are buying. Urgency is the most common tool used on people who are hopeful, and hope is exactly the state you are in when you go looking for a mentor.

A good sign is the opposite behaviour: someone explaining the downside without being asked, telling you what it costs in time, and being specific about who this does not suit.

How to be worth mentoring

Mentors choose people, and they choose on evidence rather than enthusiasm. Turn up on time. Do the thing you said you would do between conversations, even badly. Come with specific questions rather than "what should I do". Report back on what happened, including the parts that failed. Say thank you, and say it to other people as well.

The people who get the most out of mentoring are rarely the most talented ones. They are the ones who make it obvious that their time is being used well.

Before the first meeting

Have a rough answer ready for four things: what you are trying to build, what you have already tried, how many hours a week you genuinely have, and what you want from the conversation. Someone who turns up with those four answers gets a different conversation from someone who turns up asking to be inspired.